Simple truths

For the young

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
4) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
5) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.

For adults

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not for the toy.
4) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
5) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Four stages of life

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.


-Author Unknown-