If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
Lord, if I can't be skinny, please make all my friends fat.
Good health is the slowest possible way to death.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Why should bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I am modest and damn proud of it.
Culled from the blog of Masterwordsmith
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